A Day in MY Life

When I stopped posting last year, there was a coinciding, faltering, step in my spiritual journey. A conflict through which, I would have to struggle. The conflict was a familiar one, but one I started seeing in a new light. Self-reliance, once worn like a crown and a badge of honor, was now being recognized as the sin of PRIDE, and this would continue to be my weakness.

This conflict grew to ridiculous proportions, as I struggled with questions… Is this MY understanding?  Is this Divine Revelation? Is the devil using my Pride to detour my spiritual development? Did God really call me? Am I just bluffing my way in and hoping to fool God?

I know Christians are called to The Great Commission.  But I suddenly found myself questioning my ability to answer the call.  Do I KNOW God? Do I KNOW Jesus, my savior? Does the Holy Spirit REALLY live in me?  Or, do I just think I know? Am I letting the devil have a foothold in me? Is he appealing to my sense of Pride, convincing me that what I KNOW of the Triune God is good enough to spread the ‘Good News’ of salvation.  But, really, my limited knowledge would instead only allow me to be complicit with the Great Deceiver, the Father of Lies!

I put the brakes on.  There were some strong, meaningful scripture verses that stood out when my mind battled these questions.

• Mark 3:29/Matthew 12:31 And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. (ME: Ah! Am I blaspheming against the spirit?)
• Mark 7:7/Matthew 15:9 They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules. (ME: Who am I listening to? God or Humans?)

I knew that if I wanted to see the TRUTH about myself I would have to change my life:

• I would have to pray more. (Do I really know how to do that?)
• I would have to trust God. (What does THAT really look like?)
• I would have to know Jesus. (Reread the Gospels, right?)
• I would have to let the Holy Spirit guide me. (Again, what does THIS really look like?)
• I would begin by taking a HARD look about where I spend my time and my money. (Those limited resources would surely tell the story that reveals my heart.)

I figured the best way to get this done was to learn from others who had successfully grown spiritually.

I began to fill my days, even more, with God.  Online Resources about God, Songs about God, Books about God.  And of course, the Word of God.  Some of these include:

• Daily Devotional with Charles Stanley and In Touch Ministries.
• Two different bible apps on my phone: with Reading plans and Study plans
• Online journeys with dynamiccatholic.com (The Best Lent Ever, The Best Advent Ever)
• TheBibleProject.com: This group has flourished since I last wrote about them! LOVE their word studies and their biblical theme discussions.
• A Bible Study Group that meets once a week and progresses through the chapters of Matthew Kelly’s book, Rediscover Jesus.
• Books (Matthew Kelly) Rediscover Jesus, Perfectly Yourself (John Bunyan) Pilgrim’s Progress, (Brother Lawrence) The Practice of the Presence of God, (John Wimber/Kevin Springer) Power Points, (Joyce Meyer) Battlefield of the Mind, (C.S.Lewis) God in the Dock, The Weight of Glory, The Space Trilogy, The Great Divorce, The Chronicles of Narnia, Reflections on the Psalms, Miracles, The Abolition of Man (Keith Baines) Le Morte D’Arthur: King Arthur and the Legends of the Round Table, (Charleston Hartfield) Memoirs of a Public Servant, (David Crowder) Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven, but Nobody Wants to Die, Praise Habit, (Rick Warren) A Purpose Driven Life.
• God’s Word: I now have a side-by-side bible showing the scriptures with the NIV translation next to The Message translation. I also have the Holman Christian Standard Bible, HCSB Study Bible with maps, charts, study notes, and Greek and Hebrew Word Studies. I have Holman’s Illustrated Bible Handbook. I have Strong’s Concordance and Vine’s Dictionary of the Bible.

I had all the tools.  I had the hunger. I had removed most, if not all, of the distractions in my life.  But still, I felt unsure.  Maybe I just had a time-management problem.  If I could just adjust my plan better.

What I failed to remove was me! 😊 John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less.

I had forgotten that this is God’s plan in action right now, not mine.  I can not control the timeline or set the expectations.  I can’t even see the track I’m on.  (Isaiah 55:8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.) I can only be available when He calls. (Isaiah 6 … Whom shall I send? …Here I am, Lord)

LESSON LEARNED:  PRIDE – Self Sufficiency – an area that I had already identified as an obstacle to overcome, was now being cleverly used by Satan in Spiritual Warfare! He wanted me to harbor these doubts; He wanted to confuse and damage my testimony.  He wanted me to invalidate any spiritual growth I had and break up the relationship that was developing between my Creator and myself.

As in any Spiritual Warfare, there is only one offensive weapon: from Ephesians 6:10-18, The Sword of the Spirit – The Word of God. Dig in and arm yourself!

When I feel overwhelmed or confused, I stop and read these three verses. They bring me peace.  Sometimes, it’s hard to believe how simple and beautiful His plan is.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; Think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. Proverbs 3:5-6